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Guest post by Barbara Bengels - Do you remember what you were doing (or planning to do) when Covid shut down the world as we knew it? Were you teaching a class, standing in line at the supermarket, planning on seeing a play? Those were my plans; they’re still undone. How do we respond when taken-for-granted opportunities vanish? (Read more)

Last year at this time Arlene and I were vacationing in Ixtapa, Mexico having rented a gorgeous condominium overlooking the Pacific Ocean.  We were re-charging, self-care to the max.This year we’re house bound, self-isolating, currently overlooking about twelve inches of snow and lathering on Tiger Balm after shoveling a path for the mailman.  And hoping the vaccines will treat cabin fever as well as the virus.How does one stay vital and relevant when the excitement of the day is finding your reading glasses by the side of the bed?Where does the encouragement to continue living active, productive lives come from when you’re in your bathrobe half the day?  What’s the incentive?  Particularly when you’re older than dirt.I’ve been asked the question many t...

The merchants ardently promoting Valentine’s Day would have you believe that true love is delivered in a box of chocolates or bouquet of flowers.  If only it were that easy.Lasting love is built on a foundation of trust and intimacy.  And that cannot be ordered on-line from FDT or Fannie May.  It takes two people allowing their powerful feelings to surface knowing the tender emotions they share make them vulnerable to the risk of potential heartbreak.Intimacy, sharing on a level of mutual understanding without elaborate didactic explanation, is intensely gratifying… and extremely frightening.  Whether you are confessor or confident, trust is implicit before it becomes unequivocal and that takes a leap of faith, and time to grow.When mutual trust becomes est...

I hear it all the time, from young and old, couples newly met to spouses celebrating Golden anniversaries.  I wonder sometimes, as I listen to both the starry eyed and the disillusioned, if they knew what they were committing to when they exclaimed, giddy or resigned, “I’m in a relationship.”Did they fully know the effort (and rewards) it takes to lovingly regard and behave toward each other when times are good and when times are bad?It may be the trigger that initiates it, but relationships are not about chemistry, or fate or parents’ approval.  The capacity to form healthy, loving relationships is learned.When one is younger, perhaps ‘observed’ is the better reference.  Typically, a sense of what characterizes a stable relationship starts with early experience...

I think too much.  More often than not, I dwell on the negative side of my chattering prefrontal lobe, conjuring up dire endings to scenarios that have yet to be written.Sometimes the buzzing gets incessant and I find myself fixated on doom and gloom looming just around the corner, compulsively blowing up pint sized annoyances into massive, tsunami sized waves of angst.That’s when the benefits of my meditation practice come into play.  I empty the mind of the compulsive need to have answers.  I stop “thinking” and let intuition and spiritual insights well up effortlessly on their own.  I begin to see with my eyes closed.Whatever technique you use, and there are endless variations of methods to achieve stillness and serenity, the goal is an expanded consciousness...

The danger of a loving marriage is losing sight of love for one’s self.  True love is understanding how to be independent, together.Perhaps that surprises you. The most often heard mantra for a happy marriage is to put yourself second because as the common advice goes, when you start caring for your spouse more than you do for yourself, you’ll be a good wife or a good husband.  It’s the major theme of romcoms: make your spouse the center of your life; the person you are married to should be your utmost priority.Typically, early in a relationship you want to share everything, do everything together.  Gradually, as you grow comfortable with your partner over the long-term, your personalities "merge" and you become known as a “couple,” committed to each other.  And ind...

The GPS to a tranquil and happy old age recommends “The Middle Way”I’m coping with a significant impending change: we’re moving from the heart of the city to a nearby suburb.  The adjustment will be dramatic.  From a two-block walk to restaurants, museums and shopping to mowing the backyard lawn and watching my granddaughter when her parents have a night out.Half of me is excited about the new chapter in my life.  Half of me feels like I’m walking the plank!  I’m bouncing back and forth between idealized and catastrophized notions of my future… golden years surrounded by family and enlivened by do-good projects… bleak, lonely years isolated in the anteroom of the impending old age home.My mind is doing an excellent job of creating drama.  I see out...

Summing up, a life of transformation, and a year of changeYou’ve heard the saying about aging athletes – he’s lost a step but he more than makes up for it with experience. It’s true in life as well. At about the time the first Social Security check arrives most of us have recognized the transition from the person we used to be to the person we have become.I’m not talking about the wrinkles.  Senior citizen is not a synonym for old person!  Being old is a function of age; being senior is a subtext of attitude.  It depends on how you look at the term; seniors in high school or college for example, are student leaders, the respected upperclassmen called upon to pass on their experience to the younger undergraduates.It behooves us to ignore society’s perception of “...

Dealing with a hole in my memory (Senior News Daily editorial staff)Like so many of my friends and contemporaries, I’ve begun to encounter those awkward moments when memory fails.  The incidents happen occasionally and although bothersome, they are not occurring with a frequency that would elevate my concern. Still, I’m a bit uneasy about what might lie ahead. As I’m guessing anyone my age would be.  So here’s how I deal with a lapse in memory when it unexpectedly pops up. It begins with a simple sentence, perhaps a descriptive phrase in the course of a casual conversation.  I might be heading off to the grocery store with my wife, Arlene, meaning to simply add an item to the shopping list, as in “Let’s get some of those…” and suddenly, there’s a hole ...